That's right Al--you lost! And let me tell what you didn't win: a twenty-
volume set of the Encyclopedia International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a
year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, the San Francisco treat. But that's not all!
You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people! And
you brought shame and disgrace on your family name for generations to come!
You don't get to come back tomorrow! You don't even get a lousy copy of our
home game! You're a complete loser!!
Don't know what I was thinkin' ofEat It
How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want no Raisin Bran
Well don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan
So eat it, just eat it
Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate
Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won't get no desert till you clean off your plate
So eat it
Don't tell me you're full
Just eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's broiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it, just eat it, eat it
Your table manners are a crying shame
Your playin' with your food, this ain't some kind of game
Now if you starve to death you'll just have yourself to blame
So eat it, just eat it
You better listen, better do what you're told
You haven't even touched your tuna casserole
You better chow down or it's gonna get cold
So eat it
I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more Spam
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
Have a banana, have a whole bunch
It doesn't matter what you had for lunch
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Just eat it, eat it
If it's getting cold reheat it
Have a big dinner, have a light snack
If you don't like it,you can't send it back
Just eat it, eat it
Get yourself an egg and beat it
Have some more chicken, have some more pie
It doesn't matter if it's broiled or fried
Just eat it, eat it
Don't you make me repeat it
Like a Surgeon
I finally made it through med school
Somehow I made it through
I'm just an intern, I still make a mistake or two
I was last my the class
Barely passed at the institute
Now I'm tryin' to avoid
Yeah, I'm tryin' to avoid
A malpractice suit
Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line
Better give me all your gauze, nurse
This patient's fading fast
Complications have set in
Don't know how long he'll last
Let me see that I.V.
Here we go, time to operate
I'll pull his insides out
Pull his insides out
And see what he ate
Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Here's a waiver for you to sign
Wo-ho-wo-ho-wo-ho
It's a fact I'm a quack
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die
Yeah, my patients die
Before they can pay
Like a surgeon, hey!
Cuttin' for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind
Like a surgeon, (Ooh-hoo) like a surgeon
When I reach inside
With my scalpel
And my forceps
And retractors
(Oh- ho-oh ho-ooh), baby
Yeah, I can hear your heart beat
For the very last time
Ricky
Hey Lucy, I'm home!
Oh, Ricky, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey, Ricky!
Hey, Ricky!
Oh, Lucy, you're so fine
You're so fine you blow my mind
Hey, Lucy!
Hey, Lucy!
Oh, Ricky, you're so fine
You play your bongos all the time
Hey, Ricky!
Hey, Ricky!
Oh, Lucy, you're so fine
How I love to hear you whine
Hey, Lucy!
Hey, Ricky!
You always play your conga drums
You think you got the right
You wake up little Ricky
In the middle of the night
Stop shakin' your maracas now
And just turn out the light
Ricky!
I'm sick of Fred and Ethel
Always comin' over here
'Cause Fred eats all our pretzel sticks
And then he spills his beer
Why don't you serve your casserole
And make them disappear
Lucy?
Oh, Ricky,
What's a girl like me supposed to do?
You really drive me wild
When you sing your Babalu
Oh, Lucy
You're so dizzy
Don't you have a clue?
Well, here's to you
Lucy!
I love you too, Lucy, too, Lucy
Let's Babalu, Lucy
Hey, Ricky!
You're always playin' at the club
You never let me go
I'm beggin' and I'm pleadin'
But you always tell me no
Oh please, honey, please
Let me be in your show
Ricky!
Waaa...
You always burn the roast
And you drop the dishes too
You iron my new shirt
And you burn a hole right through
You're such a crazy redhead
I just don't know what to do
Lucy!
Oh, Ricky,
What a pity, don't you understand
That every day's a rerun
And the laughter's always canned
Oh, Lucy
I'm the Laughin' leader of the band
So here's to you, Lucy
Let's Babalu, Lucy, do, Lucy...everybody rumba!
Addicted to Spuds
Potato skins, potato cakes
Hash browns and instant flakes
Baked or boiled or french fried
There's no kind you haven't tried
You planned a trip to Idaho
Just to watch potatoes grow
I understand how you must feel
I can't deny they've got a peel
Wo, you like 'em whether they're plain or they're stuffed, oh yeah
Better face the facts, it seems you can't get enough
You know, you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to spuds
Your greasy hands, your salty lips
Looks like you found the chips
Your belly aches, your teeth grind
Some tater tots would blow your mind
And you don't mind if they're not cooked
You need your fix, I guess you're hooked
And late at night you always dream
Of bacon bits and sour cream
Wo, you like 'em even if they're lumpy or tough, oh yeah
It's pretty obvious to me you can't get enough
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
Might as well face it, you're addicted to spuds
I'm giving up, it's just no use
Another case of spud abuse
What can I say, what can I do
Potato bug has got me, too
Wo, I used to hate 'em, now they're all that I eat, oh yeah
I've often seen 'em whipped, but they just can't be beat
Now I'm gonna have to face it, I'm addicted to spuds
Living With a Hernia
All I do is grunt and groan
Hurts me to walk anywhere
Went to see my physician, Dr. Jones
He took my trousers off, told me to cough
Doctor says there ain't nothin' to discuss
He tells me any day I might have to wear a truss
Living with a hernia
All the time, such aggravation
Living with a hernia
Gonna be my ruination
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation
Feel so old
Too much bad pain
Good god, drives me insane
Can't run, barely crawl
Got a bulge in my intestinal wall
Walk real funny, bless my soul
Can't play tennis and it's hard to bowl
(You can't even do the splits now
Better call it quits now)
I'm sick of all this dancin' anyhow
Living with a hernia
Hurts me bad in a tender location
Living with a hernia
Had enough humiliation
Living with a hernia
Got to have an operation
I live with a hernia
Can't get up, can't bend over
Now I live with a hernia
Wait a minute...
You may not be familiar with the common types
Of hernias that you could get
So just settle down, let me clue you in
There's incomplete (Incomplete)
Epigastric (Epigastric)
Bladder (Bladder)
Strangulated (Strangulated)
Lumbar hernia (Lumbar hernia)
Richter's hernia (Richter's hernia)
Obstructed
Inguinal and Direct
Living with a hernia...Rupture!
I said it's causin' me such irritation
Living with a hernia
Have to have my medication
Living with a hernia
I feel bad!
Dare to be Stupid
Put down that chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before its time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can
When Mr. Whipple's not around
Stick your head in the microwave, and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you can chew
What can you do?
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickels
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi, then forget to leave a tip
Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
We're all waiting for you
Let's go!
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer?
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down and raise a family, join the P.T.A.
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
Then party till you're broke, and they drag you away
It's okay
You can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said, you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Dare to be stupid
Yes
Why don't you dare to be stupid?
It's so easy, so easy to do
We're all waiting for you
Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatoes can be your friend
You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house
And watch "Leave It To Beaver"
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do?
Dare to be stupid
Dare to be stupid
What did I say?
(Dare to be stupid)
Tell me, what did I say?
(Dare to be stupid)
It's all right
(Dare to be stupid)
We can be stupid all night
(Dare to be stupid)
Come on, join the crowd
(Dare to be stupid)
Shout it out loud
(Dare to be stupid)
I can't hear you
(Dare to be stupid)
Okay, I can hear you now
Dare to be stupid...
Lasagna
La-la-la-la-lasagna
You want-a some-a lasagna, magnifico
Or a-maybe spaghetti
Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go?
Mama mia bambino
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you?
'Samatta you, 'samatta you?
You should-a taste my lasagna
Ay, you no like-a lasagna
That's okay too
How about-a calzone
Some-a nice minestrone, atsa good for you
Have-a some marinara
Have-a some marinara, I know-a you like
I know-a you like, I know-a you like
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
Would you like some-a zucchini?
Or-a my homemade linguini, it's hard-a to beat
Have-a more fettucini
Ay, you getting too skeeny, you gotta to eat
Ay, mange, mange!
Ay, you-a pass the lasagna
A-don't you get any on ya, you sloppy peeg
Have-a more ravioli
You-a get roly poly, a-nice and-a beeg
Like you cousin Luigi
Luigi, Luigi, capisce paisan?
Capisce paisan, capisce paisan?
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
La-lasagna
I Lost On Jeopardy
Ohhhhhh...
I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV
Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D.
I was tense, I was nervous
I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right-ight-ight
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby (Oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby (Oooh.)
Well I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
'Cause I got the Daily Double now
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm givin' up, Don Pardo
Just tell me now what I didn't win
Yeah, yeah
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby (Oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby (Oooh)
I guess I just wasn't too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on The Price Is Right-ight-ight
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby (Oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby (Oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy
Baby...